YOU KNOW WHAT ERKS ME

Monday, May 22, 2006

Horny Dancers really piss me off!


I have not been to a club or a bar since I had my baby 19 months ago. I was actually really nervous to go out dancing b/c I don't look like my pre-baby self. I went out for my girlfriend's bachelorette party. (Yay Ang!)
#1 rule when you go clubbing is to look after your girls.... Girls go together, stay together, dance together and leave together...and most of all protect each other from the "Horny Dancer". I am sorry guys, but no matter how you are dancing ...you don't need to get a hard on! Story....One of our girls was getting hounded by a dirty dancer and gave the "help me look" so I promptly moved in to dance with her and change places. Normally the guy gets the hint and backs off...No not this guy..he was like " All right ..I am in a threesome!" Then he grabs my hips and presses his sharp object againts my ass and starts grinding. I didn't know how to react. I never before experienced such a prominent...uh ... feature. I just screamed ...EEEWW!! He says "whats wrong baby, every guys got one...!" Well I have milky breast you don't see me squirting people with them! I politely shouted, "yeah my husband has one and a big shot gun ...wanna see it?" I guess he got the point then.

Got to tell you about the nasty girl at the club. We were in AdamsMorgan, DC in a club called Heaven & Hell. The bathroom was disgusting. You were tip toeing hoping not to have your toes touch the little nasties floating on the floor. It was a "you better hover" situation. We were in line waiting to use the facility when some chick comes walking out barefoot!!! BAREFOOT!!!! OMG!!! I couldn't help it , I was like "Hello Britney, nasty!" She probably got herpes on her feet. It was so gross!

Highlight of the evening was the end. We had stickers from the bachelorette party labeling men! Worst dancer, biggest dork, best bicepts, best overall, sexy shoulders..ect. When I looked around the club, or tried dancing with someone, the black lights highlighted all these stickers on like every single guy in there. It was soooo funny. The good stickers were prominently displayed by the men, the dork stickers were secretly placed on the back. But one guy wore his with pride..it was the "Worst pick up line" He was the guy who hit on the bride to be ...in the bathroom line! Way to go guy!!!

Congrats Ang on your wedding, I love you, and I had a night to remember Saturday! Kisses sweet heart!

Friday, May 19, 2006

You know what ERKS me...Bathing Suit Season!



It's that time of year again....and who isn't scared? I think that even the skinnies of the world are petrified of the revealing suit. What happened to the old days when you wore knickers and waded gracefully in the water, when showing too much skin was taboo?
My post prego body should be back in shape, but, I think that I might shy away from the beach this year. Unless it is a private beach...far ... far ... far ... away.
Cheers to all of you that can strut your stuff proudly!!!!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

My Birthday!


This is my baby and my hubby! The two most wonderful men I have ever met!
My hubby has been so great to me lately and I am ashamed. Ashamed of myself. I turned 29 today and I must say I have been in a rut and haven't been my sweet self. I feel older than 29. I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I am not used to being out of control. I have baby weight I have to lose and it is getting me down. But no matter what, these two people remind me everyday how beautiful I am! I wake up to the sounds of "MaMa" in the morning and go to sleep with and "I love you" and a kiss at night. What more could I ask for? I am ashamed that I need to remind myself of this sometimes.
Soooo... This is just a reminder...thank the people that you love for loving you! It will definately brighten the darkest of days.

Monday, May 15, 2006

You know what ERKS me...Pushing religion


I don't have a problem with different religions. I like the fact that people bring hope & meaning to their lives. I am a Presbyterian, and my husband is a Catholic. We raise our son somewhere in the middle. But what I can't stand is people who argue with me about religion. My Aunt for example, a Jehovah's witness, used to call my mother ever Christmas and argue with her over Jesus. Eventually she got the point and now she just sends us a box of pamphlets every year, which actually make great kindling for our evening fire!!
I remember once this guy wanted to debate on my front porch step. I told him that I would invite him into my home and he could preach to me as long as I got the same respect. Preferring to stay outside he began his quest. When it came time for me to be able to speak, he became very heated and began to argue. Then his grump little butt ran away to harass my neighbor. Why run???? Why knock on my door and cram your religion down my throat not letting my up for air and then treat me as if I were damned for all eternity.
What I do think is really funny, with out training them, my dogs sniff out every religion pusher carrying their NEW AND IMPROVED BIBLE (with some deleted scenes) and they chase them away. If they manage to grab hold of a pamphlet and tear it to shreds, I give them a treat.

Comments....and I apologise in advance if I offended you!!! This is not an article against Jehovah's Witnesses ...I respect all religions and all people of faith. I don't say I am right and others are wrong. I just dislike it when people come a knocking with their opinions but do not respect me enough to listen to mine.

When to stop tanning!!!



Ummm...Yuck... And I promise, this is not my grand-mother!!!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Welcome Laci!!! My New Temp!


Everyone Welcome my new blog renter Laci!!! She is new at this so I would appreciate it if you check her site out and leave me a review in my comments section! BE Points transferred to you when you leave me a comment! (Just to say Thanks)

Her link is to the right....:) Happy Surfing!

Comments

you know what ERKS me..the HOT MOM CONTEST


In my area the radio station Hot 99.5 was holding a HOT MOM contest. This was one of their contestants. Now they didn't choose who could enter but apparently they got alot of hate mail for the contest. (4th year in a row) I can understand why some would hate the contest....Me for one, I can't enter. I am not a HOT MOM. I have a 19month old and haven't lost all the baby weight yet. When I do...yeah I 'll be a hot mom. But I don't have the time to go work out...I work full time. Then I log on and see the above contestant. No matter how I may look...I think I might win over her...but props to her for being brave enough to strut her stuff in a bikinni. What annoys me about the contest is...you may be a HOT MOM, but are you a good mother? So someone won $1000 for being HOT, but I really don't think being a MILF is the point. Congrats to the winner Stephanie though....yeah she's hot! I hope I can look like that after 2 kids.

And to all those mother's out there...Happy Mother's Day!!!!
Because you are a great mother you'll always be beautiful in someone's eyes. I think that is worth way more than $1000 bucks!

Comments please

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Attention Battle of the Blog Surfers!!!












This is a Bribe....A cute picture of puppies to say vote for me!!! Aren't they cute...they make you like me more don't they..... And don't be fooled..I posted my puppy before the other blogger did...lol! Aahh puppies are so cute!

My other blogger friend did this and I voted for her so I thought it might work.

I also say...please please please...read on...you may like what you see!
Love to all!
Ellie

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

CHECK OUT JackEBrown!

CHECK OUT JACKEBROWN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzxqEF8g3AM



I found JackEBrown through another blog site www.thechurning.com

JackEBrown is a sexy sexy man! I don't normally go for the larger boys, but there is something about him and about his site that makes him irresistable. Maybe it's the dancing, maybe it's the music...but I am smitten!

Monday, May 08, 2006

You know what ERKS me......Cigarettes!!

If you want to smoke that is your choice. Do I care if you smoke...no! I even occasionally may take a puff from a friend. I quit smoking about 3 years ago. I used to bartend, wait tables and club all the time, so I socially smoked all the time. But once I got a desk job, got married and had a baby, I gradually quit. I am not a hypocrite, but I did make a choice not to expose my child to smoke. What pisses me off is the fact that the smoke from someone else makes it's way to my child's face. Explanation. We went to the zoo this weekend...the zoo...a family oriented place. (Children everywhere) You would think that people would put their ciggies out for a couple of hours or take the deadly puff away from their children....NOOOOO! We were walking and this woman was puffing away in one hand and holding her child in the other. Whatever, you want to expose your beautiful innocent child to the cancer stick, go ahead, but don't hold your cigarette close to my stroller or my friend's stroller. And when I try to walk away.....let me. Stupid people like this make me want to yell at them. (But I was in DC and you never know who you are yelling at.) I love the smoking ban in restaurants, I don't want to inhale tobacco when eating a $25 steak and neither does my son. The club thing is a different story...You go to a club with booze and loud music, ciggies come with the territory, but I doubt my child will be there holding up a forty shaking his groove thing with me at the club! Come on people...if you don't care about yours...next time think about how much I might care about mine!!! Isn't he beautiful!
Go ahead and comment about this one....please!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

You know what erks me...The Penis Debate!!!










Wow...I am sooo jealous. Not saying my man has a little prick, but could you imagine???

Of course I posted this as a joke, but let's analyze ..Is it the size that matters? Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. Is it the motion of the ocean? Well duh, that helps. Or is it something else?

I had a boyfriend in the Navy once. He was so beautiful. One of those "I just want to eat you all up" kind of men. A couple of weeks went by and I thought it was time to eehh hem! I went exploring and "OH NO!!!" to my dismay, my pinky was bigger then this stub! But I gave it a chance and needless to say, our relationship didn't work out.

Then I had another boyfriend. We fought all the time. Another beautiful male specimen. I was with him for eight years. The sex was unbelievable! (see picture above) This was my man's penis. Eight years. Was there anything else to it or was it just the sex? Towards the end, it was the sex.

But then again, I had another boyfriend with a huge one....But driving the car was like driving a Saturn through the rocky mountains. Bad Bad BadA total no no!! We had no connection at all. Most of the time he annoyed me.

I had one other boyfriend. He was my pot smoker lover. His penis was ...a little bigger than the navy guy. But because I already had invested feelings in this relationship, I didn't run from the room screaming. I didn't want to be rude! (lol) But I never knew people could really do it like rabbits. Not because rabbits do it all the time, but have you ever seen a rabbit doing it. They hump really, really .....really...fast. Therefore, he did it like a rabbit.

Now my hubby, he is neither small nor enormous. Maybe we will say his porridge is just right. Sometimes the sex is awesome, sometimes not so much, but I am sure he could say the same for me. Time, work, stress & baby make for 5 minute get it in sex. But there are those moments when ...Whew I get outta breath! I heard that's how it goes when your married. But no matter how gratifying or ungratifying the "get it in sex" is....I sure do love him. And I'd do it again and again and again! Maybe there is something to that!

So does penis size matter? Comments please.

Monday, May 01, 2006

You know what erks me....Bush!


Wow! They say a picture is worth a thousand words...one comes to mind here!

Now before I get all political...let me start by saying I am a republican. Did I vote for Bush, yes. I didn't believe in Gore....and Bush sent my baby brother to Iraq to die during his term so I voted him again for the mere fact I am a firm believer in not changing presidents during war.
Is it just me or does it irritate you everytime the president is on tv speaking the same dribble drabble every time with that stupid look on his face? It really is the dumbest look I have ever seen someone wear every single time they speak. I find myself listening to this idiot and losing myself in those beady eyes, raised eyebrows (both of them) and half smile. How does he smile all the time no matter what he is talking about.
Now I know you would like to have some substantial editorial to go along with my I hate Bush statement, but we all know what the issues are. Why can't I just say....I hate Bush and be left alone!
I just pray someone give him a blow job already so we can get him out of there!
Comment if you want to for or against, however, my opinion is the same.

Want to learn about pesticides and your penis!!!


My caption contest winner is... Wally!!! His comment, "and I thought that was the bait!" So congrats Wally!
And Wally's blog is ....

Go to
http://thewtfblog.blogspot.com/

to learn about how alligators in contaminated water have small wet willies and how that effects your prick! Here's a quote for ya ""This is important because it is not just an alligator story. It is not just a lake story. We know there has been a dramatic increase in penile and genital abnormalities in baby boys," Guillette said.
And watch out ladies...they also found out that the female alligators had small ovaries!!!

That's right Wally.....What the F***???