Wednesday, August 30, 2006
On my way to work this morning, I made my usual call to hubby. He answered the phone in a panic ... "Hey Hunny..wait one second!" Then there was all this clammering and rustling about, I hear 3 voices..."pull the wall back...yeah that's rightaaaaaahhh gross!!" "uuugg...aaaah...there they are!" "Oh nooooooo!!!!"
Then Hubby returns "Baby I gotta call ya back" I ask what is going on, "well this lady has a bit of a cockroach problem!" I immediately crinched and let out a whine! When Hubby calls back there are still three voices whining. He went on to explain that they pulled the wall off the house they were remodeling and a flood of cockroaches invaded their space. Hubby made a WHOOSH sound to describe the flood of pesky suckers. He said the homeowner was freaking out. "what, like she didn't know she had that many cockroaches..gimme a break!" Hubby then went on to explain they were in a townhome and the roaches were from the house next door!!!! I think I would die! What do you do? I would go next door and have a stern talk with the dirty little nasty next door. If it was a money thing I think I would have to pay to get their house "debugged" ...after I called the health department. Now that they let them in...whose to say one or two little critters aren't hiding under her bed!
My skin crawls just thinking about it!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
So there I was, minding my own business, driving on our 30 mile per hour street, listening to giggly children's music on our way to daycare & work, when a peircing screeetching sound made the pitt of my stomach feel like an empty vast black hole. Some F***tard going too fast in the rain after we just had a mini drought and any dumb ass person would know the roads are alittle slicker, couldn't stop at the stop sign. So the bitch almost ran into me and side swiped me on the side of my two year old son. Talk about almost having a heart attack.
So many things race through your mind. If it was an accident, fine whatever, but when your being careless and you put the life of my two year old in danger because your a freakin idiot..I have to think about what I would do. I have to draw on past experiences b4 I had Ty...I would have gotten out of the car and spitted out a slew of hateful nasty curse words and possibly thrown a punch b/c the other driver was stupid. So Say he just "tapped" me...once I figured out that my son was okay...I really think that I would get out of the car spitted out a slew of hatefy nasty F' you's you dirty son of a Bleeps and so on and so forth...but would hold back the punch...what good is a mother in jail. Doesn't mean I wouldn't bitch slap the driver if he was a dude! I think I'd get away with it...what about you?
Funny how your way of thinking changes when there are other more important things at stake.
Monday, August 28, 2006
My mother always used that phrase right before a good ole' spanking on my bare bottom. I swore that I would never spank or hit my children. Hubby and I agree on that aspect of parenting. But there is an exception to the rule. If our child/children to something to put themselves in danger, we will spank. It's kinda like a danger=pain association. Reverse Psychology. SOOOO...this weekend, my two year old kept pushing our buttons. He doesn' get spanked so there is nothing to keep him from doing whatever he wants. He has this new thing about climbing on the countertops and getting into the cabinets. No matter what we try, he keeps climbing. I am scared that he will fall off or burn himself or cut himself. So for the first time I spanked him. I cried for almost an hour after...I mean I literally sat there on the floor next to him while he cried in time out and cried next to him. I tried holding it in, but the tears wouldn't hold back. After awhile he came up to me to tell me it was alright...even though HE got spanked.
So did it work?????
No, he was right back up on the counter 10 minutes later. But I will tell you this...I never knew the meaning of that phrase before, or thought it was bullshit. I won't do that again!
And for all you crazy nuts out there....no I don't beat my kid so get off the phone to social services!
After thinking about posting this topic, I wondered how many thought that it was okay to spank. When is it okay, how often and is it okay to spank over things like school grades? Do you see a woman spank her kid in the market and automatically cry abuse? I used to get spanked over everything. My mom had an oversized paint stick on the fridge that I would have to go get and bring to her in order to get my spanking. I am not saying that I was physically abused, by far, but sometimes the punishment was a little excessive & I was spanked at far too late of an age. I would really like to hear comments.
Friday, August 25, 2006
No one told us that sprinklers shooting water out of them like bullets going 100 miles an hour ... uh...wouldn't feel that refreshing. My hubby limped home!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
My house used to be the house all the neighborhood kids loved to hang at. My dad, Mr. Joe, was the cool dad, my dad smoked weed and all my friends knew it. One night, hangin out back with my friends chillin' after tokin up ...Mr. Joe jumps out from the house... "Whaaaat are ya'll doin back here?" Scared the BeeGeezies outta us. "nuthin' Mr. Joe", Mr Joe replies..."I'm just f'in with yaaa...hmmmm...**sniff sniff**" my dad has the biggest nose ever...he starts walking around wafting the air ..."are ya'll smokin back here... "Oh no Mr. Joe".. Mr. Joe heads over to my bud Mike..."Mike?" .."Yes sir.." "Let me see your hands Mike" .. "Oh okay I ain't got nuthin Mr. Joe" With that my dad grabs Mikes hands and begins to smell them with that big honker of his. "Hand it over, " he says.. " aww Mr. Joe..." "NOW!!!" Mike hands over our beautiful bag of canibus..the biggest bag we had ever bought... he starts to storm back into the house, but before he leaves..he turns to say "Next time... Ya'll Muther F***er's will learn how to share!" And with that the slamming of the door!
Okay...so you would think that was the end...no way. Mr. Joe had a habit of going for 8 o'clock walks at night. This was a new thing of his and I knew daddy wasn't trying to get his exersize. So I tell Mike "Mike, go follow him". Around 9 Mike comes back... eyes wide and bright with a smile from ear to ear. He was giggling so much that he could hardly talk. "Ellie, he's going to that house being remodeled.." my reply "and...what the f*** Mike..." .."Oh Ellie...your dad planted all dis weed man.. dude the back yard has plants 5 feet tall.. ha ha haha" With that I became evil "Mike...go cut them down"... Stunned he looks at me with fear, no longer smiling..."But that's Mr. Joe's weed.. I can't do that...you don't f*** with Mr. Joe's stash" my reply "Well then Mike.. maybe next time the Mother F***er will learn how to share"
Man that was a beautuful summer... maybe not for Mr. Joe, but for me and my friends.. shit what am I talkin bout.. I can't remember.. but I have pics to prove I was there!
Now while I don't smoke pot now...I do have some stories of "back in the day" I wonder if I will be totally honest when my son comes to be about drugs. Do you tell them the truth or sugar coat it, or completely deny it?
I wanna hear some stories folks... doesn't have to be about MaryJane..but any "old school" tales.
100 BE's for the best!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Eve to the Lord
"Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all Of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that Eve?"
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"Man? What is that Lord?"
"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"And what's that Lord? "
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring ... so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret ... you know, woman to woman."
Like I said in my side bar.. Maldita Bratinella ROCKS!!! I had started a new rent campaign and picked her has my new Roomie! I rent cheap, but only pick blogs that are content worthy ....so naturally I picked her!
So she asked... what colors El? Ummm black... but is that really a color, i wondered? But I like Black cuz it doesn't call away from my posts... but the neato thing she did.. she gave me a toon...with short hair! How did she know I just cut my hair! And I juuust love the sidebar separation. Everything about it screams YUMMY to me!
Please go check her out...she kicks ass!
Monday, August 21, 2006
The highlight of Federjerks performance came before his performance actually...when his wife Britney showed off the twins!
Anybody else see that????
Drawing upon her many improbable adventures for her recent autobiography, Sudanese-American author and ex-Days of our Lives writer Kola Boof devotes a generous amount of words to the "sex-slave" relationship she had with Osama Bin Laden in the late '90s. Among the claims she makes about her terrorist lover, notes Page Six, is the fact that the most murderous, dangerous man on the planet also happens to harbor a gigantic crush on Whitney Houston:
Boof says bin Laden couldn't stop talking about his favorite singer and had lofty plans for her. "He said he wanted to give [her] a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives."
But bin Laden's murderous side also emerged in his fantasies about the pop superstar. "[He would say] how beautiful she is," Boof claims, "what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have womens' husbands killed.
All I gotta say....Not if the crack doesn't kill em' both first!
Okay that's mean...in all seriousness...
Better say no to crack ya'll!
Cuz that shit ain't healthy...ha ha ha ..
Okay ..okay...in all seriousness now cuz I wasn't serious before...I really hope that Whitney Houston doesn't become Bin Laden's crack whore sex slave!!! Ha ha ha .. I just can't stop!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I have had the honour of being asked by my American blogger friend Ellie to guest post for her blog. I thought sure, why not. I began to think of what I could talk about at her place and trust me, I was very tempted. We have already discussed practically everything that is delicious to discuss. Then it hit me, as I looked at the cover of a novel I just read in two days. It is an adult novel by one of my favourite "children's" author..Judy Blume. The book is titled Summer Sisters. It is about two very different girls and the bond of friendship they share throughout their lives. I thought it was fitting. On these blogs, we will comment if something strikes us as funny, angers us, draws out our opinions. Within these comments, sometimes we are able to find a common thread and if we are very lucky, maybe even a lifetime
friend. I feel a kinship with Ellie, and we joke and say we must be sisters from another life. Maybe we are sisters of the heart in this lifetime. My wish is for anyone that reads this, it makes you sit back and think of your own life and the friends you share it with. I know that my life would not be the same, without my friends, whether it be real life or online. I am sure men have profound friendships, but I know that women need and depend on their friends, the good and the bad. Feel free to share your personal stories of friendship and any particular ones that have influenced your life for the better or the worse.
Ellie, thank you for the pleasure of guest hosting and here's to a lifetime
of stories, smiles, tears and laughter!
Your Maple Leaf Sister, Nicole
Thank you bunches Nicole! If you have ever seen the movie, Anne of Green Gables....you will know, I totally understand what you mean. Judy Blume is one of my favorite authors. I just finished reading a dirty little book entitled "Wifey" by Judy Blume. I have to send it to you! It falls in line with those dirty little conversations we often have! So now ..looks like I have another read to look forward to. Can't wait to one day hang out in Nic's backyard. If ya'll check out her site you will know what I am talking about...sounds like a wild place ...among friends!
WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
WATER = Poop
BEER = HEALTH
Free yourself of Poop, drink BEER!!!
It is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a public service.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
After my Cindy Sheehan post, something inside of me wanted to know...am I a true Republican. My views are not as strong as most Republicans and I seem to but heads with my family on a ton of political issues. And unlike many people, I do not like to incite political debates that lead into screaming matches. But I got a little wine in me last night and my dinner table turned into a "who can talk the loudest" match. My mother and my mother in law came over for dinner...die hard Republicans.
I took some political test online and it said that I was more of a reformist, but a secondary party would be Republican for me.
Do we truly know for sure which side of the fence we are on, or is there a middle ground? After all I voted for Bush, but really cannot stand him...second term only... First term, I think that he acted the best he new how to 911 and I think he was a strong leader during the time of our nations tragedy...Many Democrats would agree I think. But his second term has been nothing but me questioning the "good intentions" of our leader. I am a Republican that believes in same sex marriage...for good reason...my brother is gay. He deserves the same rights as anyone. I am Pro-life, but do not indulge in the abortion debate.. it is my personal belief. I do not believe building a wall around the United States as a good stance on illegal immigration...Remember Communist China had a Great Wall! I do not like the social security system and am for a 401k plan...I do not believe that I will ever see the $25000 I have invested in social security thus far. I do not like the current tax brackets. With Hubby's and my income I enter a different bracket, but still...really just get by. I do not know where I stand on the Death Penalty..that is a .."if I face that situation, I will know," kinda thing. I believe in looking for other source of power other than oil. I think that the electoral college needs changing, that they should HAVE to vote the way their citizens voted. I believe in a strong home based military and a well taken care of military. My brother is a Marine and could die doing his job...he should be honored. I believe teachers and education needs taken care of. I think that foreign affairs are very important, BUT, some societies need to be left alone.
My mother in law said "I will change you", but with the old school way of thinking, I don't think you will.
So I guess this is the first time I have been really open about my views.. Please don't scream at me....they are my views ...I respect and ALWAYS listen to what others have to say as well. Open to change I suppose.....
so am I a Republican???
Monday, August 14, 2006
I don't normally get sucked into the headlines...normally there is 1/2 to no truth...but pictures really don't lie. Nicole Ritchie really needs help. Her friends and family need to do an intervention or something. She is a beautiful girl, I would hate for something to happen to her. Especially when it could have been avoided.
Ever wonder what the expression "stuck on stupid" meant?
Well here is an example:
The grinning idiot clinging to Je$$e Jack$on is Cindy Sheehan... the sob sister protesting the war at Bush's ranch, who lost her son in the war, the same son she gave up in her divorce when he was 7 years old.
And by the way if you wonder why she has so much free time ... she is going through another divorce right now and guess what? She is giving
up custody of another son.
As Forest Gump once wisely proclaimed, "Stupid is as stupid does."
What Is This Picture?
Obviously, it's a picture in a cemetery. What cemetery and whose grave?
Sadly, it's the grave of Casey Sheehan. After two years, and a DoD payment of $250,000 to the "Peace Mom", Cindy Sheehan has not had the time or bothered to have a headstone placed on this young hero's grave.
And, she doesn't even have to pay for one, the DoD will provide one:
"The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) furnishes upon request, at no charge to the applicant, a government headstone or marker for the grave of any deceased eligible veteran in any cemetery around the world . For all deaths occurring before September 11, 2001, the VA may provide a headstone or marker only for graves that are not marked with a private headstone.
Flat markers in granite, marble, and bronze and upright headstones in granite and marble are available. The style chosen must be consistent with existing monuments at the place of burial. Niche markers are also available to mark columbaria used for internment of cremated remains."
Apparently she can find time to protest on at least 3 continents, get arrested various times, go on vacation in Hawaii, have photo ops with the Marxists in Venezuela, but can't seem to find the time to properly mark her son's grave.
Sorry if I offend anyone with this post.
Friday, August 11, 2006
The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her Ma Nager,"Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, "You know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead?" says his friend, "Why do you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was lovin on her."
His friend says, "Could be worse. I think; Mine was a witch!"
"A Witch, why the hell woud you say that?"
"Well, I was makin love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window!"
I don't know what it was with me last night, but I was a total bitch, especially to hubby. The dog kept bugging me by whining all night log, I pulled a muscle in my neck at Chuck E Cheese, then I tossed and turned until about 2 am. I finally get to sleep and what happens, I have a nightmare. The first one was about wolves, a pack of them, circling my house. For some reason all the doors on my new house were broken so they kept getting in. These wolves seemed to only want one thing, my son. I woke up. 2nd dream, we finally got to go on vacation to the beach, I pretty much found myself in a Jaws movie, but this time the shark talked. The shark quickly swam through the water and grabbed like two toddlers in 1foot water. I got my son to shore, but you know when you have the dreams where you are running and running but you never seem to get far then you fall! Yup, I ran and ran, got no where, fell, dropped my son and the shark came right on up to ... WOKE UP! and yet again...3rd dream.... Zombies and Vampires attacking my family. This time I had like 3 children. I held on tightly and thought the house was secure, but the basement wasn't. At the end of the dream I was pushing on the basement door and they were pushing back and the door was coming unhinged and they got in then started to attack!
Thank God.... I woke up.
I hope I have a good Friday....damn my neck hurts.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Welcome back roommate!
I just think that the world is a better place when we have a little Casual Slack in it. Funny pics, Great videos, The occasional joke, Awesome Commentors, and little personal entries make this blog one of my favorites!
Check her out and let me know what ya think!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The man, going through a bitter divorce, was sitting back eatin' his shrimp when BEHOLD!!!! The tail of the shrimp portrayed the vision of our Savior!
Now see I wasn't going to say anything, but last week my hubby was doing a big ole' # 2 ... and when he got up ...that's right...you guessed it... he saw the face of...
(not my momma, maybe not yo momma, but maybe his momma)
I know I know... it's hard to believe, but it's true. I would of saved it to show the world, but I thought that it wouldn't go over well and might be a bit tacky!
To the man in Cali...you only have to look as far as your own heart...
I love the girls and fellas at www.Italk2much.com
They give blog reviews, and are not always "nice", but that is the fun of it all.
Even though I didn't get any smacks (I was hoping for one) I wasn't a total loser. It was the music that did me in! I knew it would be as I said in one of my previous posts. http://italk2much.com/index.php?URL=http://youknowwhaterksme.blogspot.com%2F2006%2F07%2Fsomething-about-being-bitch.html%23links . But atleast I had dedicated a song to them!
My other pittfalls.. the explanation of why I spelled "Irks" / "Erks". She didn't care, she just didn't feel I needed to explain... well I took it down b/c if the girls at IT2M, don't care, neither do I.
Next, my pretty pics in my side bar...I liked em' but I took those down too.
Finally, my dirtly little side bar. Can't help it. I don't know how to blog roll, I like my links... I have to give props to my loyal bloggers!
Thanks Merciless Minx... I love your site and will stay ever so loyal..! Maybe one day I will earn a smack! :)
All of my readers should definately check them out!
**update** I got my smack back for not being so annoying and receptive to critism...my cheek isn't too red...I must say, I enjoy a little slap every now & then! **wink wink**
I remember my thongs, they were so cute.
I also remember our honeymoon. I didn't think my bathing suit bottoms were cute enough, so I pulled out my sexy undies and wore them to the beach...no one was the least bit skeptikal.
Now if I wore a thong, it would look like my ass ate my underwear.
Funny story. After I had the baby (emergnecy c-section) I came home only to find I had no undies that would be comfortable in my current state. So I sent hubby on an errand. I told him to go to Target and buy me some granny panties. He didn't know what they were but went to the store nonetheless. After endless searching he had to stop a sales associate and ask "Excuse me Miss, my wife sent me to the store to buy granny panties, but I can't seem to find anything that says granny panties on the pack...could you help me please?"
The clerk very amused lead him to what I was talking about...and he realized...OOPS...not really the name!!
Monday, August 07, 2006
So I was on the phone with Ang this weekend and I have no idea what we were talking about, but I was shocked when she said "Jamie Lee Curtis was born with testicles" I said "You are so full of shit.... get outta here!" According to Ang that is why she has such a manly jaw. I felt dirty because I was slightly aroused during her strip tease in True Lies... and what lies they were...or were they. Apparently she is open about her condition. I was determined to prove my friend wrong when I found the following: "Jamie Lee Curtis has one X chromosome and one Y chromosome. For those of you rusty in biology, XY means that she is chromosomally, literally, biologically male. What Jamie Lee wasn't born with were the receptors for her male hormones, so she went back to the genetic sexual default appearing female. Her penis and testicles were never able to be developed."
So there you have it Ang...she wasn't actually born with testicles...so technically I was right..um yeah...but..okay..I think Ang beat me on this one.
What I wanna know is, how did she get such great tits?
We went to the Catactin Zoo this weekend. Paid $32 to get in. It is a privately owned zoo out in the country. We saw the website and thought...wow, this must be nice. With the lovely weather it was a perfect family trip...UNTIL...we got there. The zoo was over-run with weeds, in the animal dens. The animals were in wire cages. There were piles of shoveled animal dung near foot paths. The entire zoo was a dirt foot path. There was one exhibit where the Elk and Deer were all huddled under one tree b/c their den was in the sun with virtually no shade. There were like 30 Elk and Deer in the one area.
They seemed to be well fed, but other than that, not well loved.
After this experience, I think all zoos should be governmently owned, operated and regulated. We can't take precious animals for granted, we are all one in this world.
I was deeply saddened by my visit.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
When my hubby and I went to Cali, we were driving back from Catalina to LA. All these signs were posted up and down the highway. Stupid me asked my hubby why there weren't cross bridges or something if so many people crossed the road. He politely informed me that they were signs warning you that illegals attempting to cross the border might run out on the highway. Wow! They have to make signs for that crap?
My friend and I got into the debate on the phone about "building a wall" . Me personally, I think it is a stupid idea. Then some old lady/fart, interupted my cell conversation and said "I think its a great idea...they are taking money from us hard working Americans" I politely said "Well your wrong and when were you invited into this conversation!" She kept rambling about her tax dollars... Hey stupid old lady, what about my taxes that pay for your medicare heart medication and your social security? Do you think I will see one freakin' dollar of social security by the time I am your dumb ass wrinkly age? Why can't I invest my social security into a 401k instead? Huh you stupid diaper wearing broad? Tell me that!
I am not saying something doesn't need to be done about illegal immigration, but building a wall in front of Mexico isn't going to stop illegal immigration, and making illegals that are already here pay back taxes in order to get amnesty is stupid too...where are they going to get all that money? Why give them false hope? I just think we need to have a better long term plan that doesn't alienate the United States and that doesn't portray us as people who think we are too good for Mexican's to live here.
And what about my social security???
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
And to think that I agreed with you when you said your movie didn't portray the Jews in a bad light... then I turn on the radio and hear the nasty derogatory comments that spewed through your drunken mouth! You may be a great actor and producer but you are also an IDIOT, a BIGOT, a DRUNK, and now VERY UNATTRACTIVE, you stupid fool! And as you predicted poor Mel... I really think you put an end to your long time accredited and respected career! It enrages me when stupid drunk fucktards such as yourself, get behind the wheel and recklessly take the lives of others on the road into their own hands. I have a two year old you dumb fuck!!!! Maybe you don't think your life is worth shit, but his is and I am sure the other drivers on the road feel the same way! If you do get into movies, it will only be behind the camera dear, because no one will pay to see your shit face again! YOU SUCK!
I went to the doctor on Monday and had specific concerns that I had expressed to the nurse. I went there and the other nurse was like, "why are you here today?"..and.."that doesn't say that on your chart, you may have to come back" It SHOULD have said that on my chart, I was in tears over the phone you stupid bitch..begging the nurse to help me! Lucky I had a doctor that understood and was able to help me anyway.. here comes the BUT... He helped me, BUT, never told me about complications to the procedure. SOOO here I am talking to my nanny and I start cramping and so on and so on.... I hate it when you go to a doctor and they ASSUME, since you are asking for something you MUST know all about it..damn stupid fucktards! Wait until their office opens today..grrrrrrrr
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Well there were a few instances ... but the one that sticks out the most is.......
I went to the dentist, mind you I have not had a cavity since I was 15, the dentist tells me I need a root canal. I asked him "what exactly is a root canal" ...to which he replies "It is our attempt to save your tooth". F*** Me!!!! An attempt to save my teeth...my teeth are falling out!! Aw shit...when your teeth start falling out, you know your getting old!