Monday, August 28, 2006

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...

Modification to this post at the end

My mother always used that phrase right before a good ole' spanking on my bare bottom. I swore that I would never spank or hit my children. Hubby and I agree on that aspect of parenting. But there is an exception to the rule. If our child/children to something to put themselves in danger, we will spank. It's kinda like a danger=pain association. Reverse Psychology. SOOOO...this weekend, my two year old kept pushing our buttons. He doesn' get spanked so there is nothing to keep him from doing whatever he wants. He has this new thing about climbing on the countertops and getting into the cabinets. No matter what we try, he keeps climbing. I am scared that he will fall off or burn himself or cut himself. So for the first time I spanked him. I cried for almost an hour after...I mean I literally sat there on the floor next to him while he cried in time out and cried next to him. I tried holding it in, but the tears wouldn't hold back. After awhile he came up to me to tell me it was alright...even though HE got spanked.
So did it work?????

No, he was right back up on the counter 10 minutes later. But I will tell you this...I never knew the meaning of that phrase before, or thought it was bullshit. I won't do that again!

And for all you crazy nuts out I don't beat my kid so get off the phone to social services!

After thinking about posting this topic, I wondered how many thought that it was okay to spank. When is it okay, how often and is it okay to spank over things like school grades? Do you see a woman spank her kid in the market and automatically cry abuse? I used to get spanked over everything. My mom had an oversized paint stick on the fridge that I would have to go get and bring to her in order to get my spanking. I am not saying that I was physically abused, by far, but sometimes the punishment was a little excessive & I was spanked at far too late of an age. I would really like to hear comments.


RWA said...

I think there are times when spanking is necessary - although I don't have kids myself.

But, when my brother and I were young, we didn't get the "this is gonna hurt me more..." line. We just got the spanking.

Nicole said...

Not to scare you, but these are the GOOD years LOL
My kids are really pretty good kids, but I have a friend with 3 kids aged 14, 16, 17. Mama Mia...El, If I was them, I'd have either been arrested, or I'd be sitting in a corner with a big bottle of somethin.
Sadly, I find that as parents they are so warn down, they give in to shit, just to have a break of the kids. The kids control the puppet strings!!

Dwayne said...

Spanking or whatever you choose to do is supposed to hurt one way or another.

Ellie said...

After thinking about this post, I had to modify it a little and raise a few questions...I would really like to hear your opinions.

Even though the social service comment was supposed to be a joke, there are some people that would try to find out who I was and hunt me down so they could report me for spanking my kids. So maybe in some small way, it wasn't a joke.

RWA said...

I think you're right - spanking is acceptable in certain situations.

I don't think spanking is appropriate for bad grades.

I also don't think the mom who spanks her kid in the grocery store when the kid asks for Cocoa Puffs is right either.

At the same time, you go to the mall or the grocery store, and you see kids running wild, acting out all the time. It's obvious those children have little or no discipline in their lives.

I think it's up to the individual. You are the one who has to decide what's right for your child.

Ellie said...

I guess it is up to the individual, but now a's a touchy issue. Government wants to run how we raise our children. I used to be scared to take pics of Ty with bubbles in his hair in the bath tub..after that lady was charged with child pornography for taking a nude b&w photo of her kid.
Then you see kids that run everywhere and say "oh that wouldn't be my kid" but who is to say that parent wasn't seriously abused as a child.
Hubby & I agreed that we would spank in severe cases. But after the other night.. I just can't get over how I felt..tears in my eyes now. It's just not for me.

Nicole said...

He's a baby still. Wait until you have another one, not saying that I think you should beat them, but once in awhile , a nice firm tap on the bottom gets their attention.

You'll see as your kids grow, and you grow as a mother, I remember thinking all kinds of things I would and wouldn't do.
I never thought I'd put soap in my kids mouth, and I've done it twice now { he's 14}
Sometimes they need to learn a consequence, and I would rather have children that respect their parents and other adults in society, then have out of control brats.
Many times parents mistake letting their kid do what they want for loving them because they want their kids to be happy.
Remember your story about when your son couldn't sit thru Cars?
You did the right thing and left, removed him from a situation he was not able to handle. How many other parents would have just let their kid ruin everyone else's movie enjoyment?

Ellie said...

what a great memory you have Nic

Nicole said... have NO idea!! I have an amazing memory, for pop culture, and events and stories people have told me, or things we have experienced.
I am just trying to figure out a way that I can get rich off of it!!!LOL

Ps. when it comes to studying or memory usually takes a vacation!!!

Ben said...

My kids will get spanked. Nearly every time they break the rules. That's not to say there are not exceptions:

1) We really tried not to spank Thomas before he turned two--we made it to 18 months. Even now, it's only if he's putting himself in danger--the spankings will become more frequent when he better understands their meaning. And kids do understand why it's happening. Don't let anti-spanking advocates fool you.

2) I don't think I'll spank him when I think he learned a lesson from whatever incident makes me want to spank him. If he already seems down about it, I'll consider that the lesson in itself. I've broken things important to my family when I was younger, and although I probably deserved a spanking, they let it pass by just saying the dreaded words, "I'm so very sad and disappointed in you..." and let guilt run it's course.

Ellie said...

Thanks for your posting Ben! Glad to see you back..its been awhile! I must say I love your comments. I have not had the chance to throw a guilt trip yet b/c Ty is much too young to understand...but the idea had not really crossed my mind before.

I know Ty "knows" why it's he is being spanked, but it's mommy hurting him. He is very smart for his 2 was just the way that it made me feel that was so upsetting. If we do spank will be awhile. I think the point you made "when he better understands their meaning", is well taken. Ty has been through so much in such a short time...2 surgeries and a lengthy hospital stay for a virus.. that it is hard for me to be the one imposing the punishment. He gets this look like " are the one that hurt me" in kind of disbelief. While Tyler may be ready for a spanking...I think it is I that am not.

I am new at this though.