Monday, July 31, 2006

Sniff Sniff

Tell me this...
Why is it, when people pass gas, they almost always immediately smell the air after?

Think about it...especially the next time you fart!

Friday, July 28, 2006

It's Friday!!!

It's Friday and I am saying F*** the system today...the system of working! I am staring into the wonderful blue sky eyes of an early weekend!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Like we didn't see that coming!

I bet boy bands everywhere are shitting thier pants and running for cover....

Not Justin though..he's bringin sexy back...hadn't you heard!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006's your fault unless medically proven otherwise!

Now I have to say this up front so no one gets offended...I do not care if you are an adult and overweight... it pisses me off when people get made fun of because of weight. But what I can't stand is children that are 200 pounds overweight and they are like under 10. I saw this little girl that was like 5 years old and had to weigh 200 lbs easy at the pool. What message are you sending to your child if you let them eat sweets and crap all day and don't get the physically active in something or another. I came across this pic on the net and almost screamed.

I think that it should be a law that parents should be turned in for either neglect or abuse or something. Children that young and that overweight is awful! I question the longevity and the quality of his/her life that they should have ahead of them. They are children, sure if you put a cheeseburger and fries in front of them they aren't going to ask you for freaking spinach! There is no excuse for parents to let their children get morbidly is their responsibility as parents to monitor their children...and yes I think it should be a punishable offence. Spfft! on bad parents...they make me sick!

I pray for this little boy... I really do!

I wish I had...

Sometimes don't you just wish that you had...
I wish I had a new ring...
I wish I had a new wardrobe...
I wish I had great hair...
I wish I had an ass like that...
I wish... I wish... I wish...
But my momma always taught me to be thankful for what I have...because I have a lot more than most. But damn did I have to work hard for everything. I used to sit and watch others always get what they wanted but I always had to work for everything I ever had...sometimes I thought of how nice it would be to just be handed something. I know it has made me a better person, but man I am so tired lately.

I was going through this box at home that my husband and I keep. We put all of our cards and love letters in it. The ones most recent are ones that I have put in there...I think he slowly forgot about the box. I read this one card that I wrote him when we had been together only 4 or 5 months and listed about 100 little things that I loved that he did for me. For me it was the little things and not the big things that mattered. I told him that he should go through the box one day this week to reminisce, and I put that card on top.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I really hate overtime

Because I don't get overtime pay!

But last night was the exception...remember I said there were perks to working for my mother in law. She promised that if I worked late last night that I could take Friday off to spend it with my little one. As tired as I was and as beat as I was yesterday...hell yeah I took her up on it! Now it's loungin' by the pool on Friday with my little beanie!

But shit I need some coffee this morning!

Monday, July 24, 2006

I must be out of my mind...

I can't believe it, but we are the proud new owners of this peice by Charles Fazzino. I used to be an avid Dali lover and often dreamed about owning one of his artworks. My hubby and I visited a gallery in Va. 2 years ago looking to purchase a Dali when we stumbled upon Fazzino. I was immediately taken back by his 3-D pop art. We went to New York 3 weeks ago and found this peice and debated for and hour about buying it, but then left disappointed. Until I got an invitation for this past Saturday to see one of his exhibits. Hep was there signing purchased art work and we casually veiwed many of his peices...until....fate the corner of the gallery...our New York peice was hanging there. I must admit, the price tag was a little more than we could afford, but the curator made us a deal we couldn't refuse. We walked with two of his peices and a special autograph for our son Tyler. He drew a picture for Tyler of him hitting a home run out of the ballpark. Then signed it.

I had a heart attack later that evening thinking that it would be peanut butter and jelly for the next year!!!!
Check Charles Fazzino out here

Just a pleasant post for a change...I will be back to my bitter self on Tuesday!

Today...A Riddle!

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Read Comments to find out the answer

Friday, July 21, 2006

I don't care how old you're rude!

We were at the movies with my son and had just left the Cars movie b/c my little guy was not being cordial. No matter what we tried,popcorn & raisonettes, he is two, he just didn't want to sit there. So we decided to leave the movie and let the others enjoy it. While we were in the elevator a couple entered with an elderly woman in a wheel chair. My son smiled and said "hello". The younger woman said "he is so cute...(looks down at the old lady and says) isn't he cute?" She waves her hand as to dismiss him and says in a really nasty tone, "his face is dirty!!".

It was really rude, and I don't care how old that bitch was, she wasn't an invalid or "touched" you could clearly tell! I could of been a nasty hoo haa and said " yes dear, but unlike you, yes you the one stinking up this elevator, my son's diaper is clean!" instead we rode the elevator in an uncomfortable silence.

Is it just me, or do old people feel like they can say what ever they want? Is it because they have been around the world and feel like they have earned their right? Or is it because they are smart enough to know that a swift kick in the ass might break their talebone so they know I would think twice. But hear this old people that are rude.... that won't stop me from putting itching powder in your diaper! This diaper is for you old rude lady!!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Smelly Guy in New York

This is the picture I took of Times Square right before some really smelly guy started following me trying to get me to buy something, I can't remember what. I told him no and despite my hubby being there, he insisted. I kept walking and he kept talking. My husband politely told him that I wasn't interested. I got this:
" I ain't trying to F*** your wife mista, I got my own woman at home..that's right I'm married...wuz wrong wid yur wife anyway she can't talk for herself? That's okay I wouldn't wanna sleep wid dat anyway damn!"

Okay, normally I would be like "whatever" and keep walking, because nothing about what the smelly guy was bothering me...until he said the last bit! Smelly guy wouldn't F*** me???? NOOOO I wouldn't F*** smelly guy...!!! Who the hell is he anyway...I kept hearing him talking and I thought I heard the word dog come out of his mouth.... I was seriously offended...Not to mention started questioning my looks all b/c of some smelly guy!!! For the life of me I still don't know why.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I've Been Tagged, and it feels so gooood!

  • Casual Slack has tagged me...and I must say I am really excited! I always see people getting tagged and feel left out....Thanks Jen.

    So here goes!
    Five things in my freezer
    Steaks (Yum Yum); A glow stick from the 4th of July that doesn't glow any more; Steak ums; Empty ice cube trays (yeah I'm lazy) juice boxes for my son's lunch b0x.

    Five things in my closet, any closet Since my brother is out of the closet now, I will go with.... My Wedding gown; A long white feathered Boa; a Box of pictures of an old boyfriend(I never look at them); rack of shoes; My husbands baseball collectibles(hahahahaha)
  • Five things in my car A step2 wagon; mail from the past 3 days; dvd player; rainbow colored lay hanging from the mirror; grocery coupons.

    Five things in my purse or wallet 3 matchbox cars; tampons; my son's socks; clinique skin care lotion; a ton of old reciepts.

    What does this say about me..... Man I am really more domesticated then I thought! Now it's my turn to tag!

  • Dick Small

  • Nic's Opinions

  • Alistair
  • What was I thinking?

    Did you know that my Mother In Law is also my Boss? Sometimes I wonder what was I thinking when I decided to work for her 4 years ago. I spend way more time with my Mother In Law that some Daughters In Law would cringe if they had to. While we clash heads more times than not...she really is a great friend to have around. I am glad ....more times than not... that I made that decisions?
    (Plus, it does have it's perks sometimes)

    Iams Kills!

    I have 3 dogs, one of which suffers allergies. My dogs never suffered from allergies when I had then om Iams pet food, same makers of Eukanuba. But I switched dog food because of the costs, but because I bought some Iams food in the can as a treat for my dog and was horrified when I opened the can. There was inch thick greean mold on the top of the food. It made me wonder what was in the food and how it was packaged. But I thought it could be a freak incident. I went for a 2nd and third can, and all the food was bad. I wrote Eukanuba and they never responded.

    Then as I was doing research on Iams, I found out that they perform horrible animal testing. Now I know some people say it's the only way to find out what is harmful, but we don't guinnea pig humans with their food do we? (Accept for those WOW chips that caused Anal Leakage) Iams said that the implimented plans to stop animal testing, but they didn't, they just hid it very well.
    To learn more about the testing go to:

    I look into my pups eyes and wonder how many animals had to die to feed them. I thought that they were man's best friend....I guess not everyone feels that way.

    I emailed Iams to find out if they still did animal testing and they never emailed me back. Unfortunately, the vet seems to think that I need to switch the pups back to their normal food so the ear infections will stop...I am so conflicted!

    Monday, July 17, 2006

    Sunday Company Picnic

    My husband's company picnic was Sunday. I wish it were as much fun as the one above, however no such luck! Hubby just got a promotion at work (Yay Hubby!!!) so he thought an appearance was necessary. I hate going to his company functions. He works for a bunch of unappreciative a-holes! There are two people, Danny & Tony, we love seeing but that is it. The head of the company smokes these $50 cigars and passes out .25 cent cigars to everyone else. They pick a place that is a lifetime away from where most of their employees live, the party is on a Sunday so the cheap bastards hope not everyone drinks so much, it is only 4 hours long, which makes the 1 1/2 hour trip so not worth it, it's in the middle of July, my buttcrack gets chapped from so much sweat dripping down there, Sandy Point Beach (Where the party is held) is so dirty, there were used maxi pads washing up on shore. Yeah like I want my kid playing in that. I was wondering when I might step on a hypodermic needle.
    Over sucked!

    This is where my husband slept Friday night!

    I was kind enough to let him back into our bedroom later though. Aren't I a sweet wife....

    Friday, July 14, 2006

    Picking your nose!

    I was driving back from lunch when this guy was digging deep. I thought...eeew, he could have been a little more discreet! I came back to post about it, but found two interesting articles on the subject of picking your nose...

    NEW YORK -- Everyone knows not to drink and drive, but you shouldn't pick your nose and drive either.
    According to a new survey by Response Insurance, 17 percent of Americans admit they've nearly caused an automobile accident while picking their nose while behind the wheel.
    Women must find nose picking not very ladylike because twice as many men pick their nose while driving than woman
    Shit, I think that the other 83% might be lying!
    "Pick your nose and eat snot to stay healthy!
    Washington, Apr 11(ANI): It may sound weird, but an Austrian doctor believes that picking your nose and eating what you retrieve is one of the best ways to stay healthy.
    Dr. Friedrich Bischinger, an Innsbruck-based lung specialist believes that people who pick their noses with their fingers are healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.
    He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.
    "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system," Ananova quotes Dr. Bischinger, as saying.

    That must be why I never get sick! SSSllllluuuurp! Yummaay!
    Want to see the man that runs our country dig for the

    I don't appreciate your potty mouth!

    Yes, I made the mistake of showing my mother my blog. Just by one little thing (award below) she made a snap judgment about my blog and decided to never visit again. She told me I had a potty mouth and she didn't appreciate the language in my blog being associated with my profile pic. Sorry mom. But aren't you glad I didn't become a stripper?

    Thursday, July 13, 2006

    When I was younger....I wanted to be a stripper!

    Sometimes I look at myself and say...who am I?
    I answer, I am Ty's mother, I am Michael's wife...other than that? hmmmm I don't really know anymore. I love being those two things, but sometimes I miss my sexy self!
    I use to have these crazy notions about the type of person I would become, or things I might like to try. I used to want to try being a stripper. I used to be hot. My girlfriends and I practically did a tease at every club we went to. We could dance and shake our booties like no one else. I loved going to strip clubs too. I used to think that swinging my legs around that pole and shaking my ass in front of some stranger would be HOT! Plus I thought I could do it way better than the chick on the pole in front of me.
    I still hear songs today and think...I would totally strip to that one. My personal favorite is a thing going on, by JJ Cale, there's Dirty by Christina Agulera, Closer, Nine Inch Nails & Rapture by IIO.
    I used to go to this club with my girlfriends, (Only 3 times) It was so funny b/c there was this one guy "Paris" who always asked me to go home with him. Each time I could have sworn he didn't remember me from the last time. He was hot, but , cooties ya know? Then there was this other guy "Pazer the Amazer" just the name tells you how old this guy was. I give him props for dancing, but he was so old he had to stuff his G with cotton, or what ever the hell was done there. (I really didn't want to know) When he came on, suddenly every girl in the club had to pee or go to the bar for another drink.
    One night we went to this club called "wet" in DC. This guy friend of mine told us about it. He was supposed to go with but bagged right b4. I should have known right then something was wrong. Not only was it a gay club, but it was Chocolate Rama night. There were 3 of us that went, 2 of us were teh only white chicks in the club, the three of us together were the only chicks in the club. You walked through the door and they had flat screen after flat screen with full male on male action! I think at that point I learned to admire the tile on the floor. You wouldn't believe how a girl get's ignored by the strippers in a gay strip club. It was my friends 23rd b-day, she'd never been to a strip joint so we wanted to show her a good time. I told the barback to give her something to knock her on her ass. It was a $30 drink...what ever...I was drunk and didn't think about it. So...bad part of DC + Gay strip club + Chocolate Rama Night + I slipped my girl a Roofie & didn't know it= One F***ed up night! But I will tell you one thing...those were the best dancers I ever saw!

    I think that every chick one time or another has wanted to be a stripper... I wonder what the guy's wanted to be?

    Power Song Winners! Beniffer!!!
    Jennifer at "A Place of Incandescence" wrote:

    "My power song would probably be 'Lyric' by Zwan .I got into this album when I first moved to Chicago, and that was a time in my life when I felt most confident, independent, and happy with who I am. This song, more than the rest on the album brings those feelings back any time I hear it. It has to be turned up really loud when I listen to it, or I'm just not satisfied. " I like Jennifer's blog, she writes about what is on her mind, and even though it isn't nitty gritty, like some people like blogs to be, she writes in an honest and personal voice. Her blog are her thoughts. It is refreshing. I chose Jennifer because she gave me a reason for her "power song" and after listening to the song....I kinda digged it! You should stop by and congratulate Jennifer on her win and her new car!

    Now meet Ben...
    Ben had the pleasure of correcting me, not once, but twice. The first time I politely told Ben that he needed to read the entire title of my blog, the second time...I asked to be corrected. Ben's site is why I chose to split the points. I like the content of his site. Topics are TV, Music and general ramblings. But most of all I had to split the points because we have the same taste in music. One of his power songs are Like Heaven by the Cure. I f***ing love that song. But it makes me cry.

    Today's video is for Jennifer and Ben's is linked. Check out their sites!

    Thanks both of your for playing along and humoring my stupid power song request.

    Tuesday, July 11, 2006

    Something about being bitch slapped..uh..gets me horny!

    Just a quick reminder, BE contest below. One more day left!

    These are the girls from If you notice I have the "I got smacked" link on my dirtly little sidebar. I call it a dirtly little side bar b/c I know these wonderful looney toons will tell me I need to clean it up a little....a little!

    Do I know how....hell no! Otherwise I would have done it by now. Do I have a boring template, not soooo much, but I would love a snazzy pic up at the top, but I can't afford it. I think that the best thing about blogging is, it's pretty much free!

    I do like this site, however bitchy these girls may be, b/c it gives us a little insight on what others are thinking. You can also check out the cool awards they give people to...such as

    This wonderful award was given to Michelle
    apparently she bitched back and then they bitched back and then all the followers bitched back and so on and so on. If they are all as hot as their toon profiles, they should all get in a ring of pudding and sling it out! I'd pay to see that! Shit...I'd take my hubby. (who says wives gotta be stuck up. Back on track, (sorry, getting excited again,) Michelle has a great written voice, guess that is why I keep going back. You should visit her blog, you might get a hoot out of it all! And she has some interesting things to say.

    You definately have to go to
    and check out thier reviews and the sites of those getting reviewed. Then sign up for a good ole' bitch slap yourself...

    like I said before, I don't know about you, but something about being bitch slapped gets me horny!!!!

    Today's video is for you girls....bring it on...I can take it!!! Turn the music up...I know how much you hate that!

    Monday, July 10, 2006

    monday...what a bitch

    Yeah I really don't want to be back at work, but here I am....making money. My husband asked me if we won the lottery, would I work. Probably, I would like to open my own daycare. Then my boo boo could be with me all day. But then I ask myself, would I really work, who would?

    Soooo. Still waiting for peeps to enter the power song contest...I thought it was a fun idea, but maybe I am a loser...dunno!

    I haven't driven the highway in quite awhile and I have to admit, ya'll is some crazy F***ing drivers! I think I got flipped the bird 4 times in one trip...nevermind it was a return of the favor, still got flipped the bird. You know what I love to do... I was about to switch lanes b/c I was only going 73 (in a 50) and everyone else was doing 90. So I thought, let me get over..until the bitch behind me flashes her lights...when I already turned my blinker on. So I stayed in my lane and she threw up her hands in the air like, "what the hell?". She proceeded to ride my ass a bit until she realized I wasn't moving for her. Then she drove past, we flipped her the bird, and she flipped back then got over. Now my favorite part. When they look in thier rear mirror, I like to smile and get in the next lane. Just to say "see bitch...I was doing it just to piss you off" Aggressive driving can be such a head rush. I don't condone it at all...but every once in know what I mean... Is there anyone else out there like that?

    Personal Shout Out today ... Congrats Kelly....It's a girl! Love you and so happy for you and Bobby! This pink is for you!

    Friday, July 07, 2006

    It's Friday! BE POWER SONG CONTEST (what's yours)

    I am so glad today is here....
    - It's pay day, aka "pay the bills day"(not so good)
    - My friends are coming over and our kids will get to play. (good)
    - I will get chill with my girlfriend and her hubby and drink wine on our back porch when the kiddies hit the sac (good)
    - Swimming on Saturday (great)
    -House is already clean (awesome)
    -Big Party on Sunday (very good)
    -Cleaning on Sunday after guests leave (not so great)
    I think the goods out way the bads this time!

    Now the contest....I have a power song. Republica's "Shout it out" (video at bottom of the page) I chose my power song when going through a really tough break up. I f***ing love this song! It is the best damn song ever! I love dancing to it in my undies, I love blowing the speakers out of my car with it, I love screaming at the top of my lungs trying to sing it..... I want to know what your power song is. The best one gets 100BE points and a spot on my blog featuring their site and song!!! If you aren't a member of Blog Explosion you are seriously missing out, but leave your name and site and you will still get a spot here. Make it good bitches!!

    Wednesday, July 05, 2006

    North Korea

    I am actually really scared at the moment. I have feared this day for about 2 years now. I don't understand how North Korea is getting away with this stupid shit. Firing short range and the Long range Missiles over Japan. It is reported that the long range missile can reach our California coast. If that is not a direct threat to our national security, I don't know what is. Then of all the nerve but to launch it on our Independence Day... ??? Are the fucktards out of their fucking minds? There has to be someone supporting North Korea behind the scenes. How they have the balls to do what they are doing is beyond me. I know that America needs to tread lightly on this one since it is such a direct threat, but we need to do something. I am really glad the UN is behind us on this one.
    Come on Bush....make me proud on this got one more chance to get it right.

    I think that this guy has the right idea...why can't we all just dance around the world? (It would be so much fun!!!)

    Watch Video Here

    Dancing Around the World

    Comments please.

    Monday, July 03, 2006

    Bitches & Wishes

    Okay, lately I have gone way off track. Celebs are getting the best of me and my site has become a gossip column. Let's get back to my world for a bit. I have a ton of shit I would like to unload...and I would like some others to chime in and bitch or wish with me...

    #1 I wish my father would start being a father. I am 29 and still feel like that 5 year old having to call "Daddy b/c daddy" won't call me. But I am thankful that my Step-dad is there for me...he is the one I call daddy, and actually mean it. I just pray that my Father doesn't die before he gets a chance to know me as a grown woman & and I can show him that I am getting it right. I just want to get this part of my life right.

    #2 I can't believe I went so long with out getting my brows waxed...that should be a crime, on Friday I was wishing that I would find some place in my new town to get them ripped the fuck off. ***wish granted*** some chinese goddess pulled the Bert and Ernie off my face and I am much happier. What is even better, she didn't speak a foriegn language the entire time so I knew she wasn't making fun of me.

    #3 Don't tell me how to say Good-bye stupid!!! We got this email through out our company last week. A long time employee is leaving because she got bumped for a guy. She can't say it was a female vs male thing, because the dude is totally gay! But we get this email saying "In leu of a reception, *nameless* would like for you to write her a letter of appreciation on company letterhead and turn them into HR so we can put them in a nice binder for her" Hey dumb broad, if you wanted a letter of reference, ask for I just flip you the bird as you walk away and say good riddens.

    #4 I wish my older clothes fit and all my girlfriends that eat french fries and hamburgers on a daily basis, weren't skinnier than me. I also wish that when I get skinnier, I run into all the "oldies" (I know who they are) and I can flip my hair and feel like ..."damn I'm hot!"

    #5 Although every day is a gift, don't you ever wish that you would wake up in the morning and say.. "damn I feel alive today!" Instead of... "I hope today is better".

    #6 I am tired. I am tired of taking care of everyone else. I would like someone to wipe my ass for a change.

    #7 I am so pissed that I finally got back in touch with my best friend from college and she is moving away. I wish that her new hubby was stationed in the states. Germany is way to far.
    It sucks and I cry over it all the time. She is my kindred spirit...people used to think we were twins. I think we like each other so much b/c she has was I lack, I have what she lacks and we are the same somewhere in between there!

    #8 I hope that I reach my goal for the Race for the Cure, as of right now, some of the closest people in my life have not donated...I am sure they will in time. But Cancer needs a cure... Cancer is a Bitch! (if you feel compelled to donate, the link is on the side of my page.)

    This song is for all cancer survivors, those who have lost their battles, those that are continuing the battle for loved ones, & for my race.

    Come on people...share your bitches and wishes today!