Oh Gee This is so much FUN!!!

So I had the choice to either attend a 3yr old birthday party, or a baby shower. Actually I really had no choice. Hubby took the son to the b-day party of screaming 2 and 3 yr olds fighting over who opens the presents and who gets the biggest peice of cake, and I was lucky enough to be the one who had to drive an hour & a half away for a shower of a girl that I always thought hated me and that I have only seen MAYBE 5 times in my life. How then did I get invited...b-friends sister is the one having the tater tot. Atleast I knew 3 people. The games were a little more fun this time, but the majority of this party was 2 hours of opening gifts. Then her mother says "OOOHHOOHHH we have one more game and Elnora HAS to play this one... I am volonteering her!!" giggle giggle snort snort! The game....who can suck apple juice out of a baby bottle the fastest. I don't know if you know this...especially you RWA... sucking anything out of a baby bottle takes alot of work...or should I say "skills"....so WHY was I the first one who posessed these skills? Especially by the mother of the group.....Ang, have you been sharing stories?

You might as well know...

I have been a little pre-occupado lately..work has been busy, which is a great thing and my mind has been settled on other things. You'll find out sooner or later with a post here and there so here it is...Hubby and I are trying to have another baby. Have been for a month now. While it is tons of fun , the waiting game is killing me. See baby #1 was a wonderful surprise, so there was no waiting involved. I feel like I am the only one in the world unable to concieve. So I logged on to research alittle about getting sperminated. Here are some of the tips they suggest:

Cut out caffine: Try switching to a milkshakes which will boost your calcium as well and assist in conception. (how will a milkshake assist in conception)

Also, try stress management techniques, such as yoga and meditation, which research suggests can also help in getting pregnant.

Buy something sexy: Some experts say that if a woman is highly aroused while she's having sex, the sperm has a better chance of fertilizing her egg. Other researchers don't agree. (this helps how)

The woman can try elevating her hips with a pillow so her cervix is exposed to the maximum amount of semen. (then they suggest laying there elevated for 30 minutes after sex, eeew!)

Make your vaginal environment as sperm-friendly as possible. (okay, I'll buy it some roses and give her a little sweet talk, maybe if she's good I'll take her out for dinner) WTF???

What happened to the good ole' fashioned..getting it on and getting pregnant. Why does this seem like such work, ovulation strips, a bbt thermometer, ovulation calender, positions...the list goes on.
This is not going to turn into a mommy blog....I promise...or a I wanna get preggers thing either, I just thought I would share some of the stupid shit out there to get women's hopes up. For me and hubby...the good ole fashioned getting it on, will have to do for now.

Race for the cure

I will be up bright and early at 5 am tomorrow morning. Hubby, Son and I are going to participate in the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. Cancer has deeply effected my family on so many levels. We have suffered loss as well as triumphed through recoveries. I race to not only protect my future, but I race to honor those who can no longer fight, because I never veiw it as lost battle. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts tomorrow, as well as the millions that will be walking beside me and the millions looking down cheering us on from heaven.
If you would like to donate, my link is on my side bar.
Thank you.
Love,
Elnora

Ha Ha It's so tickley in here!!!

So there I was in good ole' Walmart minding my own business and this annoying redneck is blabbing into her phone, being sure to be as loud as she can so everyone can here, "You know what I got in my cart???" She repeats that twice so of course I had to look and I beheld the must get of the season, a stack of Tickle Me Elmo TMX's. I know the bitch didn't have that many kids, but that was before they posted the 2 elmo limit sign! So of course, I had to see what the fuss was about and headed over to the toy aisle. All alone was one golden elmo. When I picked up the box it started to giggle and tell me how tickley it was in there. At that moment, my son grabbed the box and held on for dear life. So I though, find a price scanner, if it isn't too much I'll buy it. After my endless search to no avail, This lady comes running after me "MAAM, exuse me MAAM!!" I am only 29, so I KNOW she wasn't talking to me, then I hear "MAAM>>MAAM! Did you get that here", no dummy, I let my kid bring an unopened elmo in the store so he could play with the box, "yes, but I got the last one." her reply, " Do you want it? I have a daughter that wants one so badly?" ugg now you have graduated from dummy to , dumbass #*^%^*! Can you not see the kid holding the damn thing? "I think we will be buying it", her reply, "well if you decided not to, please come find me in the toy aisle, I will be hunting for another one" Sure I will, I've seen these things on ebay, I tell ya what, you give me $100 and I will let you buy it from me before you buy it from Walmart!

Then when I brought the thing home, the adults had more fun with it than my son did. If you have see what it does, you would understand
Here is what elmo does! TICKLE ME ELMO

The Money Pit!

Being in Real Estate, I consider myself somewhat knowledgable when it comes to home buying. But I think when things become personal, all good judgement goes out the window. We have been in our new house since December 31st. We walked into the transaction having about 35k to put down, 76k to buy furniture, do some small fix ups, and some $ for savings. "Fix up" is not the word so far.
This transaction was so F'd up it was unbelievable. There were 6 sellers on the property that were money hungry greedy no do gooders. The primary owner was a realtor that bought the house 8 months prior and tried flipping it for 100k. They couldn't sell the mug to save their lives and ended up losing money. When hubby and I saw the house, we thought, this is where we will grow old. We moved in, and immediately, The fire place needed conditioning and inspecting due to some melted sheathing in the attic, speaking of the attic, we found 3 holes in the roof, the tractor blew and we had to buy a new one, the dryer started emulating a warm orange glow from behind, so the thought of our home burning down...ummm we went and bought a new dryer. Then in the dead of winter the thermostat went, when we replaced it, it blew the furnace, so we had to run out and buy a new freakin furnace. Then the beautiful 40ft cottonwood tree in our front yard never bloomed. So this weekend hubby and friend cut it down. It was a great site to see. Ty and I ran out in our pj's cuddled in blankets and stood in the neighbors yard. With one WHACK! you her "crack, crackin, crackle, cracking" And the 40ft beauty slowly started to lean. Hubby and friend took a few steps back, hearts skipping beats, when the tree picked up momentum and "SLAM!" Branches went flying everywhere as they hit the ground. It was the coolest sound ever. My son yelled to the tree "Bye Bye tree" "I lus you!". I felt bad. One of the wonders of this home was gone.

Now the money pit has reminded us of three more expenses, paying a grinder to grind the stump from the tree, the washing machine has now blessed us with a wonderful burning odor, and the water softener has now stopped softening.... But I am now the proud owner of a beautiful white woman's blond afro/dread locked/mop on my head! Atleast I walked away with something....certainly not pride.

what is blogging?

I have been on IT2M all day. For those of you who don' t know, its a blog review site. If you want to submit your blog, beware that it isn't only your blog that gets reviewed but your life...if you post about your life.

Today's posts really made me think, what is it about blogging that I love. I like making people laugh, I like talking about my life, I like sprucing up on my writing skills.
But how personal should you go on a blog...really.

There was this chick that called her foster kid "bug" as a term of endearment and called it "stealing" when she snuck a soda from the fridge. Everything about the blog, from my perspective... sucked. Then she submitted it to a site for a bunch of "bitches" to review. What would you expect but an attack upon not only the blog, but the content. Sometimes I think, personal should remain personal.
Then there was another dipshit that put up pictures of him taking his 1 year old daughter to a pro-choice rally. Taking pictures of himself, & his daughter next to pro-choice signs. What message are you sending your child you idiot!? That she was a choice and not a child? (that's another debate) That is fine to be a free thinker, but alittle extreme to use your child as a prop in your political debate.

I know this hasn't been a very funny post...but how funny am I really? Atleast I crack myself up. But these 2 people were whack! They don't get links b/c they don't deserve them and I choose not to exploit thier children more than they already have.

Cut here to open

This weekend was my son's 2nd birthday. A joyus party with approximately 50 people from our immediate family... seriously. In my family you can just do "small". With 13 grandchildren, 8 siblings and parents that have been married, re-married, and re-married again, an "intamate affair" quickly becomes a circus, and the big house we just moved into, suddenly becomes really small. But all in all, it really was a great day! The best thing about birthday's in my family....the presents. From floor to ceiling, stacked in a glorious & colorful wonder, is every child's dream come true. So what is the downer you might ask...
you try opening the boxes. Not only did I not have a single battery, (they should come included for the price), but the packaging on toys these days is ridiculous!! Hubby went to open this model car pop pop bought Ty, when he turned the box over, it actually had screws in it! Now how is that fun? All the toys took about 10 minutes to get out of their packs. One toy, a Thomas Train, I didn't even know how to open it. I mean it was just in plastic so it shouldn't of been that hard right? No.... I couldn't figure it out. So hubby says to me to just use sizzors to cut it open. I go for the new sizzors I just bought, still it the pack and what happens....I can't get them open. I turned them over to see a label for opening instructions that read "Cut here to open"!! WHAT THE F***?!!? Didn't I just buy sizzors, because I didn't have anything to "cut" things with?
geesh!

Friday Humor

For more great funnies, go check out my roomie Jen over at Casual Slack !

Happy Anniversary to Us!

It was our 3 year wedding anniversary yesterday.
We both took off work and spent the day together. We were finally able to go to the movies! It has been a year...gosh we suck.

Then we went to a fancy dinner at the Comus Inn. Thing is this. We chose this place b/c it isn't a place you take your kids to. It overlooks the mountains and a beautiful valley. Dinner at sunset and then by candle light. And we are not talking cheap. Our dinner ran us $240. So WHY was someone having a party for their 7 year old there last night?? They were loud, and it kinda blew a little of the romance.... So you have to wonder, after you are done eating...was this worth $240? Well we ordered the 3 course menu with a wine pairing for each course. First course, Miso Scallops...there were 3 scallops on the plate with some kinda fancy fried mushrooms, Second Course, Lamb chops w/merlot and pistacio glase and another funky type of mushroom. You would think for the main course you would have 6 lamb chops....I had two. Third course, Pecan Brownie with chocolate glaze and coffee gellato. I can't say that 3 scallops, two lamb chops & a brownie were worth $120. Along with the atomospere of a rich Joan Rivers look alike throwing her 7 year old grand daughter a birthday party. But then the sweet little girl came over to our table to wish us a happy anniversary and to share her birthday cake. I felt a little bad for bad thoughts I had about the table, but then was delivered the bill.... I am sure she would have enjoyed Chuck-E-Cheese a lot more.
Funny thing though, hubby was eating his Lobster with Fois Gras. What is Fois Gras? Well it looked like a cooked portabello, so we both took a taste. Ummm, that shit was NOT mushroom.. when we asked the waitress, she smiled and said "Oh Fois Gras is Seared Duck Liver!" We both made a dash for the ice water and looked like two rednecks in for a fancy shmansy quick din din as we gargled and swooshed the bottled wata!
But aleast the sex was good last night.... sorry for the TMI.

At some point ya gotta give up the daisy dukes...

SENIOR DRESS CODE Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 1
0. Bikinis and liver spots 1
1. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least... 13. Thongs and Depends

That was a my funny email today!

All I needed was a box of crayons!

Actually, 7 boxes for my son's birthday party. So I went to my local walmart thinking that I could be in and out in a jiffy. So there I am minding my own business, grabbing up my crayons, when over the speakers comes a frazzled voice... "Attention all Walmart Employees and customers, abandon your posts and shopping carts and evacuate immediately."
Looking puzzled at the shopper next to me, we immeadiately drop our items and proceed to the exit. Meanwhile, Walmart employees are fleeing the building. Customer's unaware of the issue are left to assume there was a phony bomb scare by some bored kid left home by himself on this No School day. Until you hear on the walkie talkies voices shouting "Get out! " and then some shuffling, then again crazed voices, "Gas main, break, Fire!" ... By that time I was running!
I don't know if you have ever been in a Walmart during the middle of the week, but it is mostly elderly people and mothers with children doing some light easy shopping during non-busy hours. And of course I parked right in front so that the hundreds of people fleeing the Walmart are surrounding my car, making it very hard to leave. But that didn't matter, Managers came running from the building screaming for shoppers and employees to move to the far back of the parking lot.
I wasn't going back for my car.
Turns out, they are expanding our local Walmart to become a SUPER Walmart, and construction crews hit a gas main. With all the welding going on, they hit a gas main AND caught in on fire!!!!

Atleast I had an extended lunch hour! (and a good story to tell)

I want a lolli too!

Sometimes I wonder how kids do it! They throw their bodies full force to the ground, kick and scream, tears pouring from their eyes, mean little nasties flowing from their mouths and yet somehow they end up getting what they want. The temper tantrum, no matter how much we hate it, 8 times out of 10, it works.
As an adult, I am envious. Why can't we do the same thing. I know, I know, it's called being an adult, but how come all the old ways of getting what you want are out the window? Why do we always have to work for it? Can't things just come easy? I want a lolli too! (stomp stomp) I see all my friends with lolli's, figuratively speaking, and it's like I am a child in a candy store whose daddy says I am the only one not allowed to have a lolli. I want one darnit!

So what do we, as adults, do, to get what we want, manipulatively speaking? I don't want to have to work for it!