Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The argument

So the other day I did a post about blowing my top.
I don't normally post personal stuff, but this one is eating me. SO I am going to post the argument.
Most of you know I am five months pregnant and that this has been a very difficult pregnancy. What you don't know, is that Hubby and I have one vehicle for the family. Hubby drives a work van that is only allowed for work, and we own a 1955 ford100. The Ford sits on the side of my drive, rusting, it is only a two seater, is leaking oil, none of the gages work and the trans is slipping.
With another baby on the way, we really need another family car, but can't afford a monthly payment. If we bought one, it would have to be cash. Husband refuses to sell the junk Ford that serves no purpose in order to help me out. What is the big deal you might ask. Well I tote our two year old everywhere. To and from everyday without the help of my husband. He sometimes gets off work early and it would be so nice if he could pick our son up from daycare early. Not only would it be easier on me, but our son would love the extra time home with daddy.
We recently had a car issue, that I am still dealing with. Since it is our only car, I had to get a rental, tote our son, his car seat, stroller in between 3 cars getting the rental and picking our car up when it was ready. Doing it by myself and pregnant with a 2 yr old, was no piece of cake. Today I am without a car, hoping that it is ready before my work day is over b/c I have to get our son from daycare by 5pm. Hubby calls today to ask if I want to go to lunch b/c he got home at 11 today. 'I HAVE NO CAR'. Everytime something like that comes up I think to myself how much easier life would be with another car. I think of all I am willing to sacrafice for my family and how my husband can't sacrafice this one thing. But I don't want to be the bitch wife that says "DO IT NOW", I want him to do it for his family. So I get more upset, and more depressed and it just keeps going and going..

His brilliant response to me over the weekend....
"Didn't you think about that before you wanted another baby?"

You don't even want to know the evil thoughts that swarmed my head at that moment.

Update: Full to the fire
Well today, I had a major scare. I was having cramps early in the day...and slowly they became harder and I became scared and called to see the doctor. Well, my car was in the shop and I had no way to get there. So I had to call my husband and wait 15 mintues for him to come and pick me up in his work van. The ride to the doctor was very uncomfortable. And the more and more I thought about it, the more I became upset and cried even more. Turns out I pulled the ligament on the left side of my uterus and it will take time to heal. SO I have to take it easy, no lifting or sudden movements...I gues the doctor forgot I had a toddler. Not so easy. Did husband get it...of course not.
After the doctor, I had to go pick the car up. If we had another vehicle, hubby could of picked my son and I up and I wouldn't of had to worry about anything. So is my life.


Nicole said...

Well Ellie, I don't know what to say....maybe we can get a 2fer deal on creamtion urns and mourn them together with the help of fancy drinks with umbrellas ( yours Non-alcoholic of course) and some hunky cabana boys fanning us!! :)

Sometimes they are just insensitive and I don't think they really even get it.
I know we can be major bitches too...( I know I can be) but ultimately I m always the giver in the relationship and the family too.
If you would have seen what went on here last week at 2:00 am, due to HIS stupidity and carelessness...let's just say that it's almost a miracle that we are not headed to divorce court.

Maybe make your hubby haul the kid & all kid's crap around for a week and then he'll change his tune.

There are two kinds of that are actively involved ( and they should be as they are just as important and equal as mothers) and they "get it" because they "do it" and then there are men that are quite happy being husbands and fathers but go about their own lives. Trust me, mine is perfectly happy being as LAZY as I will let him be. He loves us, without a doubt, but if he can get away with doing as little as possible, that's his goal.
We have all kinds of chats about EFFORT.

Now in your case you are being heavily may be time to take the Taurus Bulls by the horns in you and kick some ass.

Ellie said...

I wish that hubby could tote our son around. But he leaves for work at 5:30 am. So it wouldn't be possible.

I am not saying hubby is lazy. He does help around the house and help make dinner and do man things. But when it comes to bearing the burden..that is normally on me.

The reason I don't fight about it, I have been here before. With the first pregnancy, husband bought a motorcycle 2 months into it. When we really needed a bigger car than my small Saturn.

I am just tired...if you know what I mean. I am hoping that my husband will see how he is actually hurting me. Hoping.
But sometimes, like you said, he can be insensitive... and selfish. Maybe it hurts so much because I am not selfish. And that is the reason I don't force the sale of the truck...I feel that he has to make that decision for his family. Plus, I would hate the resentment that would follow if I MADE him.

Ellie said...

Cabana boys sound nice right about now.

angel said...

I'm glad you're ok!

Cabana boys always sound good! I might have to get me one!

Ellie said...

Thank you Angel!

Oh shit did I lose it this morning. On my way to work, I blew a tire. So now in addition to everything, I had to wait on the side of the road with my two year old for the tow man. And later I get to take the car in to get new tires on the back end.

What else?

Kiyotoe said...

well, coming afrom a male perspective, a male with no kids and a live in girlfriend, I'd have to say that hubby needs to get a wake up call.

Whenever i give my lady a hard time about something that would be best for "us" and i give her a hard time, she usually finds a way to prove to me how better off I'd be with the change. Has hubby ever considered the decrease in extra driving he might have to do with another ride?

Forget all that, maybe you should just tell him to "DO IT NOW"!

What do i know? Like i said, no kids, no wife.

Hope you're feeling better.

Kim said...

Maybe you just need to put your foot down and tell him to stop being so selfish. I am pretty tolerant of my husband non-sense but you have to look out for what is best for you and the kids.