Friday, October 19, 2007

Personal post

I get this email today:
I know i told you i would be her godmother, and i remembered you asking me awhile ago when you were working on your will if anything happened to you guys would we want the children, i just dont feel comfortable saying yes. i hope you arent offended. I just am not comfortable with it. Im sorry.

So I had asked Kelly, my husbands sister, to be the Godmother of our daughter, Emma. The role of a Godparent is to pray for the child. Guide the child and parents spiritually, to help the parents raise the child in faith. In many cases, parents feel that the connection between the child and Godparent, so important, they choose the Godparent to raise their children should anything happen to us if we pass.
Michael and I have not set our wills yet and were considering his sister and my sister for the role of raising our children in case of our unexpected deaths. I love my sister dearly, and I know that she would raise our children like her own, but she and I differ religously. So we were contimplating Kelly, who has our same parenting style and religous beliefs. for the most part.

I am in the middle of planning Emma's baptism and she sends me that email.
This is how I responded.
"An email is a very impersonal way to respond to such a personal request. Kelly, we were discussing our children, the most important things in our lives. I wish you would have come to me or Michael about it.
But I guess you can’t help the way you feel about it, so I will respect your wishes"

I mean we aren't talking about where our dogs are going to go, or who will take care of the fish!!!! I just sat behind my computer and cried.


e.Craig said...

Perhaps she lacked the courage to tell you face-to-face, Ellie. I'm not making an excuse, mind you.
You might consider your sister in spite of her religous beliefs if she is a moral person.
It's smart that you are trying to make an important move in naming a caretaker for your children in the event your husband and you suddenly passed away .. something that far too few of us ever do.

Nikky said...

I, too think this is very smart to have this kind of conversation.
In my home, it's become a source of angst, so we avoid it. My husband wants his sister (married twice, divorced twice, living with #3 who is a real piece of work, 3 horrible (adult) kids who hate her) and I want my brother and his partner... yes, I prefer that my children be raised by 2 gay men than my sister in law...
sorry to hijack, I just wanted to let you know how lucky you are, that at the very least, you and your hubby have agreed with each other on the WHO, and maybe like e.craig says, reconsider the sister if she is a good person who loves your kids...

Ellie said...

I had a meeting with my sister this past weekend. And I feel comfortable now naming her as gaurdian of my children.

I just didn't like the way Kelly went about telling us #1, and #2 after I responded to her she shot back "sorry you feel that way"
#3 she was basically telling us that she didn't want to be Emma's Godmother (after a conversation with my husband) #4 then she turned around and said she wanted to be Emma's Godmother.

Maybe she doesn't take the role seriously. The other night she said she was so many of the children's God mother she couldn't remember who she was Godmother of anymore. That was 'real encouraging' to hear.
I think the role of the God parent is very important. It's not like "oh neato"

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