Sweet Life, Taken for granted

It was quarter to six this morning when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. "mommy I want cartoons"

"hunny, it's too early for cartoons, we need to go back to sleep, drink some juice"

Then my son threw a tantrum, one of many in the last few weeks. I guess with the lack of sleep I lost it a bit too quick. My son and I preceded to argue for awhile mainly b/c I was too tired to get up yet and his sassyness woke up the baby.

When he finally calmed down, I was stroking his face and playing with his hair and he says "Mommy you can hold me all you want" It's my favorite thing he says to me, he really means 'you can hold me if you want', but I think the mix up of the words makes it all the more cute. So I hold him and continue to play with his hair and stroke his face. For some reason my hand was on his neck and I felt a lump. My heart began to beat as my fingers grazed the area where the lump was and then felt the area on the left side of his neck to find no matching lump.

I became frantic and started crying and called my husband short of breath. A Lump, what kind of lump, I don't know, it could be a cyst, it could be a gland, or it could be much worse, If I go to the doctor will they know what it is, or send me to a specialist, or possibly remove it and then examine it, that is horrible, they can't remove it, my son has been through too much in his young 3 years, it's not fair, oh my God, what if it's cancer, my friends son lost his leg to cancer, they thought it was just a bruise. The doorbell rings, it's my mother in law, come to check on my b/c my husband told her I was hysterical, she feels the lump and says we need to go to the doctor, then suggests I need anti depressants, This is NOT a post pardom episode, do you know how many people I have lost to cancer...

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

The doctor had a mid afternoon appointment, NO, I need to come in first thing! "Okay Mrs. Li****, Come in at 9:30am. I am on my way I say and hang up, the kids are already dressed and fed. I tell myself to slow down and stop crying while I am driving, I make a few phone calls, one to my mother, but there is nothing she can say to make me any less scared.

The doctor says, "No need to worry Mrs. Li****, It is only a swollen Lymph Node, let me show you where the others are on Tyler so you won't be surprised if you find more one day."

I can finally breath. And to think, I was arguing with him this morning about getting up too early. I could of looked at it like "Great, another hour I get to spend with him today" But I didn't. With the new baby, we have been a bit harder on Tyler and less attentive to what HE wants. Not saying that we are unattentive, but there are more constraints on our time. God I love my children. This is a lesson. Life=too short, Love it, and Love those in yours.